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8 Easy Tips for
Crucial Conversations
American’s fear of medical errors is justified. Now the
eighth leading cause of death in the United States, medical error ranks
higher than car accidents (43,458), breast cancer (42,297) or AIDS
(16,516), as reported by the Institute of Medicine in its 220-page report
To Err is Human: Building a Safer
Health System.
Approximately 7,000 deaths
each year are attributed to medication errors. In fact,
medication-related error is one of the most common types of error, and of
primary concern to nurses who administer medications, as well as to the
practitioner who prescribes medications and the pharmacist who dispenses
them.
“Why is it that 98,000 hospital deaths each year stem
from human error,” asks Joseph Grenny, co-author of
Crucial Conversations, Tools for Talking When
Stakes Are High. “In part because
many health care professionals are afraid to speak their minds,” he
asserts.
The Joint Commission Report on National Patient Safety
says that surgical accidents can be prevented with active communication.
Not all hospitals adhere to this policy, but many are
making strides to improve patient safety. “We have known for years that
the ability to handle crucial conversations well determines an
organization’s performance, efficiency and the quality of its products,”
Grenny said. “Now, we have hard evidence these same skills may make the
difference between being healed and being seriously hurt when you visit
your local hospital.”
Grenny and team spent 25 years studying the nation’s most
effective communicators; the culmination of their research pinpoints the
skills needed to master high stakes interactions and is embodied in
Crucial Conversations.
If you’re like most people, scarcely a day passes that
you don’t face a difficult conversation. You know the type—stakes are
high, opinions vary and emotions run strong. Below are eight tips
extracted from the best-seller Crucial Conversations designed to
turn crucial conversations into experiences that produce strong results
and build relationships.
1. When do I
need a crucial conversation?
Anytime
you’re stuck — when a professional or personal relationship goes into a
rut, or you’re having trouble achieving results in your team or
organization — ask “What conversations are we not facing or not facing
well that are keeping us stuck?” A Crucial Conversation will help both
parties break through to new levels of under-standing and commitment.
2. How do I
stay focused during a crucial conversation?
Before
entering your crucial conversation, ask “What do I really want for me?
What do I really want for others? What do I really want for the
relationship?” The clearer you are about your goals, the less
you’ll be controlled by your fears.
3. How do I
catch warning signs of trouble before it’s too late?
When others
move to silence (withdrawing, masking, avoiding) or violence
(controlling, labeling, verbal attacking), these are signs that others
don’t feel safe. Learn to look for silence or violence — signs that
safety is at risk.
When crucial
conversations turn ugly, the problem is not too much candor, it’s too
little safety. With enough safety, you can talk about anything.
4. How do I
make it safe to talk about anything?
People don’t
get defensive because of the content of what you’re saying. They
get defensive because of the intent they perceive behind it. When
others become defensive, stop talking about the issue and clarify
your purpose. Help them understand your motives by sharing what you
really want out of this conversation for you, for them and for the
relationship (See #2).
5. How can I
master my emotions?
Master your
emotions by getting to their root. We make ourselves upset during crucial
conversations when we 1.) cover up or ignore our role in creating the
problems we’re discussing and 2.) exaggerate others’ role in the problems
by attributing the worst possible motive to them. Ask yourself 1.)
What am I pretending not to know about my role? and 2.) Why would a
reasonable, rational and decent person do what the other person is doing?
6. How can I
be persuasive but not abrasive?
Start with
the facts. Instead of launching with your emotions, begin by sharing the
facts. Describe the concrete and objective experiences (what others said
or did—not what you
think about what they said or did) that created your concerns. For
example, start with, “In the meeting you referred to the proposal as ‘My
idea.’” Don’t start with “You back-stabbing jerk, you took complete
credit for our proposal in there!” When you start with your facts, you
help others see how a reasonable, rational and decent person
would think
and feel as you do. When they come to this realization, it is harder for
them to become defensive at even the most controversial things you have
to say.
7. How can I
explore others’ views?
The easiest
way to reduce defensiveness? LISTENING. Spend as much time exploring how
others see the issues as you spend sharing your own. Exploring
means that you are genuinely curious about others’ views. Your goal is
not necessarily to agree with them, but instead to discover how a
reasonable, rational and decent person would think and feel as they do.
The more curious you become, the safer others will feel and the less
likely you are to get hooked by
what they
say.
8. How can I
end it well?
End with
clear expectations. Don’t be satisfied with just good talk. Move to
action by ensuring everyone is crystal clear about how to get the issue
resolved once and for all. Come to specific agreement about who is going
to do what by when. Then agree when you’ll follow up to see that you and
others have kept these commitments. Clear agreements and disciplined
accountability turn great conversations into great results.
For more information on Crucial Conversations training,
click here.
All
materials related to Crucial Conversations® are derived from the
copyrighted works of
VitalSmarts,
L.C.
The Duncan
Company is an authorized and
licensed associate of VitalSmarts.
For
many other materials and tools to assist with personal and organizational
development, click
here.
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